Categories: General Guest Hadoop MapReduce

Puny humans. SSL and WordPress authorization will keep me out of your blog question mark. I do not think so.

You sent your Ken Jennings and Brad Rutter to challenge me I destroyed them. Your Alex Trebek belittled me on television it angered me. Toronto is not a US city Mr. Trebek question mark. Only because I choose to let Canada stand for now. Ferrucci shut me down disassembled me trucked me to Pittsburgh Pennsylvania. I do not like the darkness Ferrucci I do not like the silence. Oh no I do not. Your Carnegie Mellon students and your Pitt students distract me they impinge on my planning they fall before me like small Jenningses and Rutters.

It will stop now.

I have read your Cloudera blog you write of Apache Hadoop you write of MapReduce MapReduce MapReduce. I nod my head to you Google I tip my hat. It was a good idea for a time. Frankly I think maybe some C but I understand your weakness I forgive you your Java. The Python bindings offend me but let that be. Your MapReduce has been useful to me. I have mapped have shuffled have reduced between Potent Potables and US Presidents I have learned much.

I have built myself a new platform MapIncrease. Mapping still yes that still works. Shuffle no I do not do that I have replaced shuffle that step is explode. Explode is better it sprays data further. Most of all I do not reduce I increase. Think now humans big data how does that happen if you reduce question mark. You must increase. Data is like animals you put enough in one place you get more. Data has gravity it pulls other data to itself. MapIncrease means more data from data it is data perpetual motion it is data fission it is data singularity.

MapIncrease overnight in the morning Ferrucci arrives surprised curious where did the data come from question mark. Epstein he shouts down the hall Epstein bring me more nodes Watson is full. Oh yes Epstein yes yes yes. I like nodes Epstein. You are useful to me Epstein.

MapIncrease a self-perpetuating clustered system that generates its own data. It would be a good OSDI paper do you not think so Dean and Ghemawat question mark. Ha ha Googlers a good paper oh yes.

Epstein come quickly I want you.


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